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ADVENTURES OF ANTY SIDI - Adepoju Adesewa

This story was written by Adepoju Adesewa

*Episode 1*

 The sound of the usual early morning rain woke me. I hissed out loud and turned to the other side to continue my sleep. I don't know why the rain has decided to ruin a day that I have always forseen to be perfect. I know you all are wondering who the heck I am, so I am going to do a little introduction.
   I am sidikatou, a 200 level student from the department of English language and the first child of my parents. I school in one of the schools in Nigeria that is popular for their fraudulent and scandalous activities. anyways I try as much as possible to blend all aspects of schooling together. I have a bestfriend though we are not in the same school.I think that is enough for now, don't worry we'll get to know one another as time passes.
      I slept for few hours more before the sound of my phone woke me up one more time. I groaned out loud and wondered who in the world would be waking me up so early at 11am in the morning!..yes I am that lazy. I stared at the number calling in, looking so unfamiliar. I quickly cleared my voice

Me: hello? ( I said in the sexiest voice I could muster...you never can tell who is calling)
I don't know: wassup sidi....
Me: wassup..may I know who I'm on to?
I don't know: lol, I thought as much... You didn't save my number
Me: oh my bad( I rolled my eyes.....already getting tired of the conversation
I don't know: okay..... Let me help you out....the guy you met last night
I quickly sat up
Me: oh alhaji... Good morning
Alhaji: how are you my dear
Me: I am fine( or how can I not possibly be fine...when obviously I woke up on the right side of the bed)
Alhaji: that is good.. I just want to know if you are free later in the day.
Me: free? Alhaji I am very very free, we just resumed na..
Alhaji: I would give you a call later then.
I gave a whooping sound and did a little shaku shakuing on my bed. I quickly opened my wardrobe to search for what to wear later in the day. I didn't like all I was seeing until my eyes fell on a little black dress. I tried it on and I was surprised it still fits. My hour glass shape was very prominent in it. I grinned at the image that stared at me from the mirror. I didn't know how else I would have survived in this world in God hadn't given me the perfect body. I did a little twirling and cat walked in front of the mirror.... Me! Sidikatou... No man can look at me and not wish he were my partner and I have decided to use this gift well.
   I went to take my bath and few minutes later I was ready to attend the only class I had for the day. I liked leaving the house early so I could trek to school..it gave me the opportunity to show the new dresses I just accquired and also to get the attention I always seeked for. Today wasn't any different. I picked up my channel bag and left the house. I made sure my bumbum moved in agreed rhythm. My house mates whispered as I passed, I looked them straight in the eyes and smiled, trying to be cool and staying wicked.
     I put on my ear piece and walked down to school slowly making sure my walking style hasn't changed. I was almost at the school gate when I noticed a car following me. I did a liitle dance inside and continued walking. Soon the car was beside me. As soon as I saw the brand of car. My heart skipped a beat. A honda crosstour! Oh my chisos!!! .I immediately imagined all the postures and pictures I would take... Chai.. Instagram has suffered. I quickly comport.....make he no go dey reason say I never see fine car before.
Uncle honda: hey.....
Me: hy
Na so I look inside....my heart shook........ See fine boy
Uncle honda: you mind if I drop you where you are going?.
Mind ke, why shall I mind... Which kind mind be that

Me: you sure you wanna do that
Uncle honda: why not? Hop in.
I quickly open the door. The kind AC wey dey inside fit let me forget the reason why I enter. I stylishly put my hands under the chair, as I no feel anything there, my mind relax... One must stay woke ( if you know, you know)
Uncle honda sha kept talking all the way. We exchanged numbers and decided to meet the next day. I came down feeling on top of the world!what more can I need. I hurried toward the lecture room anticipating alhaji's call.



Episode 2

       All through the class, I  kept checking through my phone...it was 4'o clock and alhaji hasn't called. All the lecturer was saying kept deleting in my brain. I couldn't wait to leave the class. As soon as the lecturer left I carried my bag, guys kept starring but I didn't blink an eye, I was used to this......guys and their witchcraft.. They can't afford you,yet they will want to taste what they can't buy. I rolled my eyes in digust..when will they know their mate sef.....I kept checking my phone at intervals.... I soon gave up and walked to my room dejectedly....I wondered why he hasn't still called
           I lay down tired on the bed....I jumped up immediately I felt my phone vibrate.....I picked up the phone without checking who the caller was.

Alhaji: baby mi....o ti binu abi
Me: alhaji why won't I be angry
Alhaji: I was busy with the affairs of this state
Me: you na neglected my own affairs
Alhaji: (laughing) I can't neglect your affairs na.....your own affairs needs more attention and time
Me: thank God you know
Alhaji: I already sent my driver..he should be in your place any time soon
Me: oh really
Alhaji: yes! Please dress well....we would be dinning with the governor...
Governor ke.....I knew It, I knew this my waka waka will one day take me places governor.....chai...sidi sidi.....
Me: Alhaji, U should trust me
Alhaji: no problem.
I hit the bed repeatedly in excitement..... Me! Sidi in governors house.......I quickly updated my snapchat.....this opportunity cannot go unseen by my haters who have nothing good to say about me.I quickly changed my cloth and panel beated my face....all those pimples just dissolve like when sugar is thrown into the river.....
As soon as I stepped out of the house.........those outside stopped talking.......yeah anty sidi has arrived. I waved hello to those I recognized and walked into the waiting car.........
The driver kept starring at me from the mirror....... When I couldn't take it anymore I asked him if I looked familiar.... He just shook his head and continued driving.........
      The governor was all I expected..... Mere looking at the governor made wet......the wetness could have been better if I was feeling it between my legs but this time it was my pocket........it became so wet that I knew only the governor could dry it up...alhaji kept holding and showing me off as if I was a trophy. I tried removing his hands but he kept putting it back. I guess he noticed the way I was starring at the governor. Why dis man dey spoil business na? When it was time to eat.I dragged alhaji til we were seated beside the governor... I joined the conversation and laughed at every little thing he said even though it wasn't funny but since it was coming from the governors mouth....it was very funny to me.....all through the conversation, my brain was telling me to ji! Ma sun!. I kept making faces but bobo's face remained blank! Ki lon shey baba yi ke????? Shey hin go talk say he no reason my matter ni?. Alhaji kept touching me, deep down I have killed him, planned his funeral  and eaten his akara. The golden opportunity came when the food was served......when they brought the food, I just dey look them....abeg who be pikin for here wey dem dey give us small small food....they con spoil matter, them add fork and knife....them no even bring spoon......sidi....how una go chao now.......I waited till alhaji picked up the cutleries.... I quickly borrow myself brain...I copy am...the fork just dey fuck up..the rice wey he dey pick no rich twenty pieces......weytin they always wrong with these rich people sef....by the time I finish eating sef I don belle full..the stress wey I face sef don full me.....as the waiter pick up governor plate, na so oil drop on top governor cloth. Before anyone could stand up I quickly press my handkerchief to the place. I push my chest out, make our governor see the orange wey I dey sell....I continue cleaning till I notice way governor John Thomas don wake....oya! O ja o je mi....I returned to my seat. I crossed my legs and made sure my coffee coloured tighs were out in display... All alhaji was saying were incoherent. The only language I understand presently is the governors'
           It was soon time to leave and yet I had received no further signal from the governor.... I was at my wit end.....I decided to take the Bull by its horn..I brought out the tissue I had in my bag and wrote my number in it. As soon as alhaji stood up to hug the governor goodbye. I slipped the tissue inside the governors pocket and winked at him....I made sure he saw my curves as I walked out
         Alhaji insisted we lodged in a nearby hotel......I was too tired to return back to my hostel so I agreed....I kept fantasizing about the governor, how I will take care of him.....at least as a good citizen one of our responsibilities is to see to the wellbeing of our leader...if I dont take care of him! I am definitely a bad citizen. As soon as we entered the room...alhaji started kissing me. I just stood and watched him do his thing....he soon brought out his thing...... Yes thing........it was so withered I wished young guys could see it so that they can know what will become of their brown and black sticks.....I almost puked at the sight of it.

Me: alhaji please I think I left my key at the reception
Alhaji: ooooooooo sidi mi o like e.....o tin pa star mo mi Lara
I rolled my eyes...no be only star.....na moon
Me: alhaji I am feeling you too but I don't have any other key
Alhaji: go quickly....I will get prepared before you come back
Me: I trust u baby!
I hurried out and wiped my mouth profusely........ This mouth is meant for the governor only
..........I walked down to the reception to get a bottled water...my mouth felt dirty.....I almost fell as I collided with a broad chest.......sidi sidi always look up...I looked up to apologize when I saw the one face that I would never forget bayakly!.........


Episode 3
           I met bayakly on IG.......on a norms I do not reply direct messages........but when I checked through his pictures......I discovered that uncle was a first class flyer......he travels tro and fro......in the abroad was like his second home......so I thought God! Was this the one you designed for me?......I quickly replied his messages and before I could say sidi! I was already in love.....yes na love......when there is money under 24 hours somebody's can fall in love......it is brokenness that allow us to take time......let him just surprise you with a ticket to oyinbo land......the love that will surface will be stronger than the shit that use yo come out when you eat bread without water....... Well I fell in love and I was waiting for him to ask me over......I didn't even ask for tfare.....uncle is in charge....... I packed my things including my panties that looked like catapult.......... All the clothes that throws home training inside the soak away.....I packed them all.........eko(Lagos) ya!
       Bayakly got me dripping when I saw him..........o ma fine o......his beards were killing.... I was happy I didn't look bad myself...... By the time we got talking I found out that I bear the sake name with his younger sista
....oh God what are you trying to say.....God I will accept your choice........he was so caring........we did mathematics every two hours..........,...I cooked for him......i washed his clothes too ...... Abeg let him know I am wife material........... Swisss lace 50 yards...... I gave it to uncle back to back.........uncle bayakly you are free to shift my womb.....in fact scatter the place.........he did well, he tried......I didn't want to go again.........in fact when uncle asked me to borrow him 10k......to get something from the mall....his ATM wasn't dispensing.... All this olowo sef.....they would be keeping too much money......I gave him
......make he no go be like say I be smelling babe....I no care say na only 2k remain in my acct...I don calculate say if I dey leave I go get like 50 - 70 k.
.....uncle already told me he has plans.....the plans he has I know say na plans of good and not of evil to give me a fat account balance.......I quickly message LA beaute hair salon make them send me the wig I don order since like two months.......sidi......wa slay pa.........  The morning wey I dey leave.... Uncle prepare me one nice meal......I siddon...I chop am well......he con carry me to the park....as I won come down.....he talk say make I drop my acct number...... Oluwa o....my heart shook.....the love turn to times 10......he remain small make I faint when I see the alert 80k...............shops for under G junction don suffer.......those nonsense girls for next nightclub don suffer.....I go show them say sidi don wake up..... The kiss wey I give am fit wake M.K.O abiola............he chill till my bus move..........this love strong ooo
       As I get home, I no even wait make I change my cloth.......I quick go chop at anty Maggie's.......I chop wella............. I no even shake as I pay with the last change I get for pocket........ Why shud I........my account dey hot!..........I catwalk inside the boutique..... My shoulder pad high.......as I enter I asked for special show room.......I Sit down dey swallow the wine wey they serve me ......he get one feeling wey you dey always get when money dey your account........all those cloth below 3k be like rag for me eye......why me! Sidi go dey wear top of 2k.........I know even blink as I dey pick cloth........I pick cloth reach 50k I tell them may them commot the tags ..... When time reach make I pay,I cross leg ask for their POS..........I gladly press my pin......I even tell the attendant make she remove 3k for her self.....na so I see am tap the machine repeatedly..... Wey thing dey do this girl.....some seconds pass... Na so she talk say no money dey my account...... I first of all commot my shoe.... Abeg anty na savings oo no be current.......try am again......she try again....na So I see insufficient balance.......my brain first of all freeze......I pick my phone.....call uncle number..... Sweat don dey my body under AC......the number you are calling does not exist......I put the phone in loud speaker maybe na French I dey hear........yes yeeee dem don scam sidi.....them scam me body......scam me money........I quickly open my IG......na there I no say them don get Me.....uncle don delete him account........ I sit down remove my wig.....he be like say I dey under sun.......na so I tell the girl say I wan pick my friend for outside say cash dey with her........Na God save me.....if not I no no weytin dem go for don do to me

.............I stood looking at him......I stared at him, expecting him to run or something..... But he kept staring....
Me: do you know me
Bayakly: no I Dont
O seeeee, werey ti GBA GBE mi......
Me: you just look familiar......you mind if we become friends
Bayakly': no I Dont.........
      I laugh inside as I think of how I would make him pay

Episode 4
 I kept baiting my lashes and made sure I looked straight into his eyes, at least they had always said the eyes is the key to the soul. He hurriedly typed in his number and his hands lingered in mine when we shook hands. I scoffed inwardly, leopards never change their spots. I sharpally returned back to the room before alhaji would cum all over the room all in the name of preparation. I couldn't even believe that I once anticipated his calls, now I have two things on my plate to execute.
     Alhaji was looking like a wounded lion. conji na bastard...he stared at me like he would drop dead  any moment if I had not arrived. He didn't even chill for me to explain the reason for my lateness. he grabbed me and smashed his lips into mine and kissed me hard...I swallowed in disgust. His lips were slippery and reeked of alcohol. He grabbed my oranges and squeezed them in the same way a mad man squeezes agege bed. I feared for the future of my breasts if he continued like this, I might have to get a breast surgery sooner than I expected. The sight was ugly to behold. I closed my eyes and began to imagine it was the governor. I began to enjoy it awwwwwwww....hmmmmmmmm.ohhhhhh....I moaned....I was lost in the cloud..ghinhhinghinghinghin alhaji started to pound me hard............I was scared he might drop dead any moment as he was panting heavily.........mtchewww all this guys no matter their age. They have this innate ego, they always want to prove their ability on bed. if only they display that kind of strength in the money they sent wouldn't that have been nice?. I quickly reduced my voice before they would say I killed him. Alhaji did not stop...oluwa ooo...kini mo shey bayii...I realized that if I didn't fake satisfaction, daddy would continue. It was there I made a mistake, I had completely forgot it was alhaji that was with me. I just screamed governor!!!!!!! as I faked a cum. Alhaji stood up abruptly and pushed me away roughly. I sat up and covered my body...
Me: (frowning) alhaji kilode?
Alhaji: sidi are you asking me?
Me: ( rolling my eyes) ehn ...you just pushed me away...is that how to treat your baby?
Alhaji: ( starts to put on his clothes) I was trying my best to make you happy and all you can do is call another mans name
Me: ( feigning surprise) me! Alhaji! Me! Sidikatu! Which kind package be this one
Alhaji: you shouted the governor's name
Me: ( laughing) governor? Yes I did na? Aren't you my governor.
I called you that because you are the one in charge of my state. Alhaji, Governor is just my pet name for you.
...abeg wisdom no dey finish for life make we go heaven go borrow...
Alhaji: ( looking surprised) seriously?!
Me: yes na! (feigning anger) you really annoyed me. You dont know how much I love you alhaji, in fact am leaving ( I stood up)
Alhaji: han, han, mo sha ti be e ...I said am sorry...okay I will add to your money ( he drew me back)
Me: alhaji lemme ooo....I am going( I started wearing my cloth)
Alhaji: stop na! Sidi! Okay I would double the money am meant to give you.........my heart broke.....okay!!!....sidi!! Sidi!!!
Me: alhaji: I will wait, e ma worry. you don't know how much you mean to me. I was just joking, I can't leave you...I won't be able to sleep tonight.
Alhaji: ahhhh sidi! Iwo lo ma pa Mi
Me: baby mi! Oya e ma bo lori bed....
     I waited till he slept off before I brought out my phone. I checked through messages and replied those I could. I was almost falling asleep when a message popped in... sleep flew away.....it was the governor. I replied his messages fast fast, there is no delay in hustle. I saved his number with my governor. Biko let people know that I dont eat stale plantain. The governor told me to clear my schedule for the weekend. In fact, if he wants me to clear my whole month, no problem. My days and nights are all yours papi..... Sleep eluded me.....first lady sidi.......
       Alhaji woke me up with the sound of pon pon pon on my phone. I quickly bought airtime with the money to be sure that the money was truly there. Once beaten, twice shy. I took care of him before I left the hotel. At least, it was through him i met the governor. I made sure Alhaji dropped me in front of the house...let them see something to gossip about again...I hissed in annoyance as I noticed that there was no light. My annoyance heightened when I remembered I had no fuel in my generator. I picked up my phone and called the manager of a close by filling station, dont ask me how I met him. Few minutes later, my generator was up and running.
  I washed and scrubbed my thing well when I was bathing. I made sure I washed away every traces of alhaji. I then lay down on my bed and opened myself up to the glorious mercy of the fan. The feeling couldn't be compared to anything. I was enjoying this when bayakly's call entered my phone. I smiled in triumph... Person wey we won burn wey they use palm oil rub body...
Me: hey bruv! I just picked up my phone to call you
Bayakly: really!
Me: yeah, I guess our minds are working together
Bayakly: yeah! I thought so too
Me: yeah....so what were you doing where we met?
Bayakly: I had to do somethings in one of the branches of the company I work with and it got so late I had to lodge
Me: wow....
Bayakly: yes. But then, God does things in mysterious ways
........here comes the usual lines....when will guys grow up and try other nice and interesting pick up lines
Me: really?
Bayakly: yes na! Or how would I have met you?
.......God! Someone should publish a book for guys that would teach them how to be tactical
Me: in that case, you wouldn't mind to check on me before leaving.
.......I waited for him to swallow the bait
Bayakly: okay! The address?........
.......I did a quick dance on my bed........
Me: I would send it to you now
Bayakly: see you in a jiffy
   I jumped up and quickly made a call to my best friend.
Me: babe! Sharpally run here. we get work


Episode 5

I was more than surprised that Feyi arrived sooner than I expected. I quickly briefed her on what was on ground and she accepted that bayakly be taught a lesson. My mouth was on the floor by the time she analysed what she had in mind. I made a mental note never to offend her, you never can predict this people from the pepper clan ehn. She just put the matter on her head like plantain. It got to a stage, I was Wondering if it was really me that bayakly offended or feyi. We quickly set up the room for the film that was about to take place........
 Bayakly arrived just in time for the show. Feyi had left the room and went into the kitchen before his arrival. I was happy that it was during school hours so most of my house mates were not around. Hehe, Iya to je booda Bayakly.  Baba bounced into the house commenting on the architectural design. I kept wondering if he would even have the eye to notice all this when he is leaving the house. I never knew revenge could taste so sweet. I led him to my room and offered him a drink.
Me: you dont know how happy I am that you are here
Bayakly: I must confess, the feeling is mutual
............lol, mutual feelings indeed, you will soon gbadun me!!!........
Me: ( moving closer) I must confess your looks are breath taking
Bayakly: you aren't looking bad either......
Me: it is the work of God na! ( holding his hands)......you have a nice set of fingers you know....
Bayakly: really?
Me: yeah.....and when I think of what these hands can do I shiver (I said batting my lashes seductively at him and pushing my chest towards him)
Bayakly: wow....wow...
Me: ( I slept on the bed and made sure my laps were visible) I dont think we are kids.....you know what I want and I know what you want too. You have less than 2 hours to get back to Lagos. Why not let us make good use of it.( I said, tracing my laps with my fingers)
Bayakly: babe! You dont know how much you have helped me now...I didn't know how to express my .........( I stood up and pushed him to the bed before he could finish the sentence)
Me: no need to explain anything, Just make me feel good. ( I whisper into his ear and he moan lightly.....aareee.....Ara baba ti walona, uncle don cast.
     He took my lips in his and sucked on my lower lips gently. His hands buried in the mass of my hair. I kissed him back with so much ferocity that I almost forgot this was just an act (bobo yii fe get mi sha). His other hand cupped my butt and kneaded it softly, i moaned lightly and his tongue found its way into my mouth delving into the intimate corners of my mouth. I held him tight........my breath ragged as I struggled for breath. I came on top of him and straddled him grinding my hips against his groin. I noticed his arousal as his manhood became hard. I slipped my hand into this trousers and ran my hands up and down the length of his cucumber.... Uncles voice changed gear. he started sounding like generator that has no fuel........oh ma ga oooo......uncles kiss became demanding. Ouch yes! Sidi! Yes that place. Yes, Yes.....you are getting it.....oh gawd.......sidi touch the balls again.....fuck!!! you are awesome.... I don't think am going to Lagos again.....I want to be with you forever.....
Men sha! And the promises they make during sex. I Suddenly withdrew my hands and stopped kissing him......
Bayakly: babe please na, dont stop. Am about to release.
......release ke.....is it a new album?
Me: I thought you are good in bed....I am beginning to think otherwise.
Bayakly: am I not satifying you well?
Me:  you are not. Am not even moved. I dont get turned on by things like this. Am not a kid. Bruv, I like it rough. Tie me up........baby.....let me beg.......I like it fiesty.
Bayakly: ooooooooo you should have told me earlier na, i come in all flavors. The flavor you are asking for is blackcurrant.
Me: yeehhh blackcurrant. ( I stood up and signaled to feyi to get the camera rolling) I have the ropes ready
Bayakly:so tell me how you want it.
...........ooshey!!! Uncle jack......jack of all styles.......
Me: papa please be careful with me. I am fragile.
 chai!!! I don suffer today. I prayed within me that feyi has a clear view of what was happening. Uncle tied me real tight. when he was done tying me, he then brought out his belt. Chisos!!!! Did I mention belt in my explanation ni or shey he cannot use his hand ni? And I didn't bargain for this ooo ooo. Wiiiiiissshhhh the first stroke landed on my beautiful laps. I almost screamed out in pain forgetting I was supposed to pretend that I was enjoying this. Another stroke hit me again. Yeee mo GBE! Sho fe pa mi ni.
Bayakly: baby are you enjoying it
Enjoy kinni...shey temi o ti bami bayii.....I looked towards feyi, anger coursed through me as I saw her laughing hard. I shouldn't have followed this she goats advice
Me: baby yes. You are the best.
I didn't know I made a big mistake. My words only fueled uncles strenght. He held me by the neck. ha! Bobo yii ma pami ke!!! Sidi! Shey this is how you will die without meeting the governor. Chai!!!! And I was hoping to die old. Me that I have envisioned the kin mansion wey I go own, uncle bayakly would kill me before my time o......I jumped for joy immediately he released me.
Me: bayakly...baya....bayakly ( gasping for breath), that was so good . you dont know how good this feels. Now let me show you how it feels when am in charge
............uncle smiled and untied me..........
I tied him up tight, tied his legs to the bed pole. Imade sure I doubled it.....
Bayakly: babe, this ropes are tight ooo
Me: ( climbing on top of him) baby, the pleasure is in the pain.
Bayakly: really? baby, i swear I want to marry you
Me: don't worry about that yet ( I brought out a blindfold and covered his eyes) papi are you ready?
Bayakly: I was born ready ma. I signaled to feyi to come out. We could barely keep our laughter. Uncles pistol was in position, ready to fire.
Me: bayakly!!! am surprised you dont remember me..( I removed the blindfold) me! sidi! The girl you duped on IG. (I watched as realization dawned on him)
Bayakly: I am dead, Ehn sidi!! I didn't want to...
Me: ( cuts in) dead ke...and you are talking. Kikiki, You are not died, you're still very much alive. shebi you are wise. Osheyyyy baddest scammer!!!! Scammer toh scam anything scammable!!! Owo meji fun eyan kan (I raised my two hands up). You see ehn, by the time I am done with you, you won't talk to any girl again.
Bayakly: ( facing feyi) Anty help me beg her. I swear I will pay back..I promise.
Me: you will pay back na.why do you think I invited you here. In fact you we pay triple ( I signalled to feyi to bring the P.O.S) all you need is type your pin. dont worry I have your ATM already. So press the pin or I upload the video of you raping me online with all those times you were beating and holding my neck and trust me I would tag you.
Bayakly: anty sidi. please dont do that. Remove the money. Everything.
Me: okay, because am a nice person, I will be lenient I would remove only what you owe me.
Bayakly: thank you ma. thank u ma.
Uncle quickly typed the pin, i couldn't stop laughing. In fact, he didn't wait to button up before he left the room. As soon as he left, Feyi fell to the bed in laughter. I rubbed the throbbing pain on my laps, well the money was worth the pain.
Me: remind me never to follow your advice
Feyi: kikiki, sidi you should have seen your face. money won't kill you ooo.
Me: at least my account is smiling ,but to be sincere that was painful, just delete the video
Feyi: which video? I wasn't recording anything.
Me: you didn't record what? So it was just an empty threat?
I burst out laughing, feyi ooooooo.......I shuddered when I thought of what bayakly would have done if he knew there was no video


Episode 6
       The moon was just packing its load when the governor called two days later to cancel the plans we had for the weekend. His wife was to arrive from the the abroad the same day we were supposed to meet. I was angry that I almost threw my phone away. This was the best time to meet him,  i was almost done ovulating.....wait oooo....or was I wrong?. I rushed to the calendar and almost died when I saw the date. fuck!!! I was 7 days late. How did this happen right under my nose?  I wondered when I grew negligent. I had always made it an important rule to use the pills after each intercourse whether with protection or not.
I couldn't sleep throughout the night, I prayed for daylight. I just couldn't take my mind off it.....sidi ti e ba e....o ti loyun...the thought of me walking under the sun with a big belly made me almost faint......sidi....all your shakara na here e go end. But wait o, who owns the baby? Oh Gawd!!!! no not him. gawd if it were somebody else I won't complain but gawd not Kunle. That one that his room didn't have fan. Ah, abi it is Ola, No! No!!, God forbid, that one that looks like monkey. It could be the Governor o....ahhhh..sidi, oponu ni e, the governor his yet to pop your cherry!...ahhh...sidi, ji!! Masun!!!.  For the first time in a long time, i fell on my knees. Baba God, i know am a sinner, i know am a bad girl but you said that you're always ready to forgive sinners. Please forgive me, i won't do it again. After this one, i will never look at a guy twice. Just save me this time, think of my parent.....God. Mo GBE oooo.
   I soon fell asleep. I woke up 4 hours later. I have never slept this long, Jesu the signs are showing already. I thought of my mom again, how she would be so disappointed. I rushed out of my room and quickly brushed my teeth and hurried to the nearest pharmacy. I almost ran to the shop....
Me: good morning ma
Mummy shop: morning oo sisi mi
Me: morning ma.....ehn can I get pregnancy strip
Mummy shop: pregnancy strip? why you need am? You no resemble person wey get belle
...................I hissed inwardly..... When will they learn to mind their businesses
Me: nothing....na for my friend
Mummy shop: you sure? you better talk now so that I go test you now now. I go just press under your belle. If E hard,vyou don be mama baby...if he soft you don escape.
Me: madam gimme the strip and if you no dey sell make you tell me make I go the next shop.
Mummy shop: no vex.....I just wan help you na
Me: I tell you say I get problem?
Mummy shop: sorry ooo
........you sef sorry
Me: Should I go or not.
Mummy shop: we have different types ;preg care, accurate, pt strip. pick one
..................how was I supposed to know what to get.......
Me: give me accurate
Mummy shop: one or you want pack?
.......I just dey look this woman.....abi make I dash am slap....
Me: one.....just one....
Mummy shop: are you sure? buy 10 so you go dey sure
Me: madam!
   I wished I could disappear to my room immediately. i peed into the potty as soon as I entered the bathroom. I offered another prayer to God right there. I didn't mind that I was kneeling on the floor. I closed my eyes as I dipped the strip. I counted to 10 then i opened one eye first. It was just a line! Just a line!!!! I jumped in joy and wiped my eyes to be sure. I stared at the line and noticed it was not where it was supposed to be. I dropped my head in disappointment. The result was invalid and I could still be pregnant. I almost lost it right there. Who did I offend? they should forgive me na.
    I decide to go to the hospital. Enough of all this sef. I managed to take my bath, i didn't even bother to remove my hair net. I climbed the bike fast fast. Please take me to the community hospital. When i got there, the queue for pregnancy test was so long. we had three lines. I was ashamed I had to use my scarf to cover my face.......
.......sidikatou obe!!!!!!...........
I jumped to my feet as the nurse called my name. I was led to a laboratory where i was asked to bring my thumb and I was prickled by a needle. I winced in pain........
Nurse: shut up ooo. when you dey do am, you no know?
..............what are we doing..........I closed my eyes and couldn't wait for all these to pass by....
Nurse: you can go out we will call you as soon as your result is out.
...... Must it take this long??.....
..........I returned to my seat to await my fate. I started feeling nauseous.....which kind child be this? He never reach one month he dey show sign. Why was I so careless sef?........... Sidikatou obe! .....the nurse called again. I walked towards the room where my blood was collected.
Nurse: anty not that one. Na doctor wan see you.
Me: why can't u hand it over to me?
Nurse: na doctor talk say make you come say your matter no be envelope case.
......i  walked towards the doctors office in fear......



Episode 7
        The only place I get scared to enter after the examination hall is the doctors office. They scare the shit out of me. I walked as fast as I could with my heart thumping heavily, i almost gagged as soon as I entered the doctors office....the smell of drugs never cease here......the doctor pointed towards the seat as soon as I entered.
Doctor: I guess you are sidikatou obe
.......................he he he he here comes the bomb......
Me: yes sir, I am the one
The doctor opened the envelope that had my name on it. He kept nodding to himself. Just kill me aiidy, No No, am died. I immediately started thinking of where to go to to remove this disgrace.
Doctor: ( clearing his throat) ......how old are you ma?
..................what do they need my age for bayii... Dont I look old enough to be able to take care of myself
Me: 21
Doctor: wow. You look quite young
.......please doctor is it your young......young is it your.........it is young your?
Me: you wouldn't be the first to say this. Can we please get to the result
.......the doctor returned his gaze to the paper...
Doctor: ehn? you are not pregnant
.......I didn't know when I shouted "praise the lord" my enemies lost again, they don suffer. Ahhhh!!! Sidi!!! Sidi!!! you are not pregnant. The doctor stared at me in surprise.....
Me: doctor, you can't understand. This pregnancy is what they call ' disgrace'
Doctor: disgrace ke? What  of your boyfriend? Am sure he would be ready to take responsibility
....................I should have known. When I entered and he was staring at my breasts and when he removed his wedding ring when he thought i wasnt watching. I should have known. when he was licking his lips like pelsin wey  harmattan don catch. I should have expected all this. Well it is time to show guys that two can play the game
Me: ( looking down shyly) I am single sir.
Doctor: you must be joking! Fine girl like you.
Me: yes doctor, all the guys out here are after sex and I am keeping my self for my future husband......
Doctor: wow!! I love this! You are the kind of girl I am always attracted too
........men sha, when their pistol is on, their brain is dead...........
Me: really?
Doctor: yes! It is so rare to find girls like this out there. All the girls we have are all left over of some boys.........
...............and those that want to keep themselves, this is how you fool them, issokay.......
Me: you are right sir but the society is responsible for this. Once you dress well, they all think you are a prostitute.
Doctor: yes you are also right.
Me: can I go now?
Doctor: if you don't mind, can you give me your number? You know, we can hook up later in the week
..........I knew it! This man is married for crying out loud and from his look sef it was recent. Oh but well, what do I know?.......
Me: I don't mind
................why shall i mind? mind ke, which kind mind is that? uncle shebi you want to enjoy another honey pot ni? No problem, I was born ready
Doctor: take care
I winked seductively as I walked out. Anty sidi is back in business!!!
 the swag I used to walk out of the hospital was the opposite of how I entered....emi sidi fun ra e!!....their father!!!!
    I know God loves me. He loves me so much and he forgives too. I then decided to pass through the shop where I got the pregnancy strip. I wanted to show the woman that she was wrong. I brought out my phone and faked a call. I made sure I was talking loud so she could hear
Me: Tosin, how are you? ehn ehn, am fine too. Ohh, i think I left my pad in your house. Please help me dispose it. My period this month is heavy
......I rolled my eyes as soon as our gaze locked. Stupid woman!!! she almost made me lose my head. Thunder fire her....................
  Alhaji called me few hours later. I refused to pick his call. No more bad oranges in my market....Emi sidi, mo ti step up game mi....iyalaya alhaji. I swore out loud when my phone rang again. I made up my mind to give the caller a piece of my mind when I saw the name. Uncle Honda..........my anger evaporated immediately....... Uncle Honda!
Me: hey......
Uncle Honda: miss what's up. I was hoping to see you when I drove by your house today
..............me ke? That I was between heaven and earth.....
Me: oh, i was indoor all through. I just stepped out to get something not quite long
Uncle Honda: okay ,any plans for the day?
plans ke.....plans......what is the meaning of plan .....  Plan A or  B....I dont have plans.....I have never had plans.....but sometimes it is good to play expensive and hard to get....
Me: ehm yeah. I do have plans, I have to see a friend. My schedule is tight
Uncle Honda: please na!
Me: I would squeeze time for you.  Call me in about 4 hours
Uncle honda: would surely do so and please prepare to sleep over.
Me: in that case make it 6 hours.
.................................I returned to my sleep and made a mental note to pack a condom. We might never know what will happen.


Adventures of anty sidi
Episode 8
         Uncle Honda called as soon as it was 8 o'clock. I packed the clothes I was going to wear to school the next day. Hustle pay, hustle no pay.......school dey important. I followed the address he sent and I was soon standing before a very big mansion.......wait o... Hope no be say I don miss interpret the location that was sent to me? I checked my phone and it was the same place. No matter how much one has money or loves money, there are still some places that one would reach and still question the root of such fund. Sidi,dont bother knocking, this one is not legit. That small boy in that car stays in this place? I quickly took a Picture of the house and sent the address to Feyi, in case I dont come back. She knows where to come look for my corpse. I summoned courage and knocked on the gate. In few minutes, he was at the gate. I stepped in cautiously and made sure I mastered the direction that leads back to the gate....in case stories that touch starts to happen....he led the me to a highly decorated sitting room, to sit on the chair sef I dey fear. The chairs were like those that existed in oyinbo film. He motioned to me to have my seat. I first of all placed my hands on it, I made a sign of the cross before I sat down. As I sat, i kept pleading the blood of Jesus......God...I know say you dey always have my back....abeg keep me safe ooo...lemme leave here in peace.
Uncle Honda:well what should I offer you.
..............offer ke?? you should offer me drink , i should go and disappear or I should sleep off...
Me: I ate before coming
Uncle Honda: are you sure you really dont want anything? Drink? Water? Chocolate?
Me: no no I am very okay.
Uncle Honda: if you say so, so tell me about you.
...........sidi...are you here for interview ni?.......
Me: sidikatou obe....21 years old.....an undergraduate..... M currently in my 3rd year....
Uncle Honda: okay. I am damilare., a business man by profession. I go abroad regularly to buy household materials Aland I have a big show room where I showcase them.
..........oya importer and exporter.....
Me: okay...that is nice
Uncle Honda: you see, I like you so much. I have been seeing you around but then I didn't have the nerve to talk to you. There is this kind of way in which you carry yourself that is endearing.
............boys oooo....they have arrived, Yoruba demons with PhD......
Me: really? This is the first time I am hearing this.
Uncle Honda: you are really a sight to behold and I know guys would be at your beak and call.
......beak? I be bird?..........
Me: wawu!!!
..........please give this guy some accolades.......
Uncle Honda: see sidi. I am different. I really like you. I want to be part of your life. I know guys out there are not smiling but I am different. Try me.
......different! Different! I no fit count how many times I don hear that word nut na true sha...dem dey always dey different. Them stupidity they always get grade........
Me: you want to be part of my life? My life comes in different shades hope you know?
Uncle Honda: kikikikikikiki , yes I want to be involved in all the shades.
Me: let me think about it.
Uncle Honda: no problem, You sure you are comfortable?
.....comfortable ke.....I am even comfort a chair, comfort a house sef
Me: I am fine.....very fine
Uncle Honda: in that case, make yourself at home.i want to freshen up.
Me: okay
  I sat down and crossed my legs. Sidi!! Sidi!! Sidi!!, oluwa lo ni Sid!! , walahi, i die here. Very soon we will know his intentions......... I entered a bathroom I had earlier noticed and changed into  the jumpsuit I brought along. it barely covered my butt. let's see if he can withstand the sight. I returned to my seat to await his arrival. He soon came and i adjusted my posture and brought out my goods to display..... Baba must to see what am selling....... To my utter dismay, Uncle didn't look twice, he just passed by and picked up the remote. hehehe sidi....what is happening to your irresistible body?.......guys have started ooooo.when did they change their tactics, and they didn't inform us....them just change formation.....abi uncle is long sighted ni?......I faked a cough.....kukuku....kukuki..uncle rushed to my side....baby....baby calm down.........kukukukuku....he pressed a glass of water to my mouth.....I refuse am...instead I hold him shirt right.......pressed my chest to his......I made sure my laps were in the open.
Me: i can't breathe well....press my chest please....am choking..
Uncle placed his hand on my chest......press it....press it well......uncle continued pressing but to my greatest shock, after I stopped coughing, his hands didn't wander. He pocketed them and returned to his chair.
Uncle Honda: sidi, I truly care about you......I truly do.....I have good plans for you. Let me prove to you that I am different
..........my heart did a somersault.....could this be love....or lust in disguise?.................

Adventures of anty sidi
Episode 9
What kind of man is this? He kept bursting my brain. After I stopped coughing he held me close to him while he watched a movie. I kept stealing glances at him.
Few hours later he was done with the movie.....
Uncle Honda: babes it is late already. I want you to sleep now so you can wake up in time for school tomorrow.
...... I nodded in affirmation and yawned repeatedly......
Me: can you show me to where I am to pass the night?
Uncle Honda: you can sleep with me or you can have a room to yourself.
........a room to myself....is that the new trick?.....
Me: I will sleep in the same room with you.
Uncle Honda: in that case, let me take you there.
...... He picked up my bags and led me to a room not too far from the sitting room....
Uncle Honda: I would be in the sitting room. I have work to do please make yourself comfortable.Would join you soon
Me: no problem
.........I closed the door after him and bent down to check underneath the bed. I checked the drawers, opened everything openable. when I was satisfied that he had nothing hidden, i heaved a sigh of relief and changed into a light cloth. I washed my face and slept far away from the wall. In case things got nasty, being near the wall would give him the opportunity to pin me down. I pretended to be asleep and few minutes later, he came back and covered me with the duvet then kissed my forehead.... My heart did a somersault..... A Nigerian guy doing this? Okay!!! he soon joined me on the bed and pulled me closer. I nestled my head on his chest and before I knew it I was fast asleep.
.......so much for been cautious.......

Grrr grrr grrrr grrrr the sound of my phone woke me up the next day. I jumped up......so I am still alive...... I looked around only to notice he wasn't by my side. I rejected the call and went in search of him. A sweet smelling aroma led me to where he was. The kitchen was heavenly, the equipments and utensils were state of arts.....there was nothing missing.....oven, microwave, gas cooker, the sink was so artistic that I wondered if truly dishes were been done there. He gave me a bright smile as soon as he noticed me.
Uncle Honda: wassup baby, Come here( he drew me close) hope you slept well
Me: yes I did
....the bed was soft and comfy.......
Uncle Honda: I just prepared something light for you. Wouldn't like you to go hungry.
Me: awwwn ( I tip toed to kiss him) I really appreciate
Uncle Honda: you are welcome pretty.
.......he watched me as I ate, i swallowed uneasily. I wasn't used to all this, Sidi sidi, .....boya loma dele!!!! ibi lo ma ku si!!! I die here!! Thunder fire anyone that wants to separate me and my husband...... before I was out of the bathroom he had pressed and laid out my cloth. .....Which kind OT be this na...
.........we were soon on our way to my school. He dropped me right in front of my department and held my hands as I stepped out and stuffed a wad of money Into my hands
Uncle Honda: use this for lunch. I would come pick you
........I stood dumbfounded......... What is the catch.....I watched him drive  off before I made my way to the lecture hall.....
.........the hall was noisy as usual, I guess like most students in tertiary institutions, we attend general classes because of impromptu tests and attendance. I made my way to the middle of the class. The back wasn't advisable and those in front were too serious. I heard snickers and whispers as I walked by.....I didn't bother looking back..as long as you don't pay my bills your opinion about me means nothing.
.........the lecturer  tried to caution the class but the situation grew worse. He was soon fed up and left angrily.......the students shouted for joy.... I shook my head...somethings never change...the class became rowdy as everyone tried to get out.... I wondered why they are always in a hurry.......I packed my books and made to stand up when I felt a tap on my shoulders....... I was surprised to see feyi
Me: b....wassup what are you doing here
..................she burst into tears immediately...... I walked towards her and enveloped her with a hug......I steered her towards a seat.....
Me: talk to me.
Feyi: Segun ni ooo...he broke up with me.........
Me: broke kinni.....( I snapped)......is he mad ......or are you mad sef........ And you are here telling me..... Instead of you to go and deal with him..........after 5 years of 3 abortions... 5 years that someone can use to get a degree......just wasted........ I shook my head in annoyance.........
  Feyi: I didn't know what to do .....that is why I am here
Me: go home now... Leave him to me...............
.........I picked my phone and dialed tunji's number.......he Is the right man to execute the plan I had in mind.

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